I am writing this because I have felt for months that I should plead with you to stay alive. I want you to know that I understand how it feels to not feel the desire to be in this world. I also know that suicide does not always involve destroying the physical self. Suicides are committed in a million different ways and one of the most prominent ways we kill ourselves (which is never discussed) is through hiding and shaming ourselves.
Insecurities, guilt, shame, the idea that we are unworthy and unlovable can crush our hearts. Life’s struggles and the disappointments we experience dealing with other people can be overwhelming to the point of simply wanting to disconnect from everything or give up. I have been there. This is how I know things do get better.
Recently, I was shaken to find that two of my very dearest friends (and favorite people) considered and attempted (physical) suicide. This struck me to my core, because I considered that the world might miss out on these two exceptional women, and that they might not have gotten the chance to experience the beauty of life as a human. I felt fear that I might have missed getting to see them living and thriving presently.
Fortunately, they both made it through and are now blissful in work, love, health and spirit. I am grateful that their practices as witches and the inspiration they received to hold on empowered them beyond temporary (albeit long-lasting) feelings of defeat and states of depression. Something in me believes that thoughts of suicide happen at some point for all people, even if the thoughts are not lasting or acted upon by everyone.
There is a saying: you don’t have to believe everything you think. This is important to keep in mind especially when heartbreaking sadness begins to convince us that it would be better to leave this place. Perhaps you think you are unloved, unworthy or unlovable. Perhaps you think you have nothing of value to offer the world. Perhaps you think you’re “too” something or “not enough” of something else. I urge you to challenge these thoughts and to rebel against them, first with your thoughts and then with your heart. I urge you to consider that these thoughts did not originate with you, that you were not BORN thinking down about yourself. This is a learned behavior that does not need to determine or define your life or your future. These attitudes of mind do not have to remain with you, they can be replaced.
You are certainly lovable, you know. I love you.
So, consider that you have a right, a freedom and an opportunity to learn new patterns of thought, and to change the way you think of yourself. Then, simply begin mining the depths of your own mind and perhaps begin a project of researching and discovering new things to involve yourself with that inspire you, that make you happy to be alive. Explore your own psychology and learn more about yourself and the roots of these feelings. I’m simply asking you to consider where these thoughts are coming from and then to examine them closely. And if you are in a dark place right now, don’t trust your decisions especially if they come with the finality of death.
Stay alive. Time is a healer. And the time will pass and with it some of these emotions may pass also.
Now, as you begin on your ANTI-SUICIDE PROJECT please create an anti-suicide playlist of songs you absolutely love. I’ve created a list of songs that make me positively joyous! These are songs I am happy to have lived long enough to hear. These are songs that I am grateful artists took the time and initiative to create for you and me. These songs make me straighten my spine, close my eyes and tilt my face toward the sky—they are so good. Listen to these songs and then share your songs with me in the comments.
One good thing about music, when it hits you you feel no pain. —Bob Marley “Trenchtown Rock”